Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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