Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
