He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
