Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
