maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
