i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize