Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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