Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
