Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
