He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
