I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
