It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
