Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
