so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Girls should come with a carfax report
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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