Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
