he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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