Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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