You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
