i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
