I'm gonna have a badass scar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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