apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
