i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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