That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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