remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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