omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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