yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
