dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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