all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
