addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
