I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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