I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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