Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
