HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
