Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
