Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
