listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this boner is exhausting
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
