I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
