eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
