It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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