So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
