party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
