Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
