my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
