Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
