If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
