we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
