I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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