Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
