The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize