Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
