Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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