you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
