life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm really busy with my period
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