I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
