We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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