Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize