yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
