Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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