The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
