Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
