Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
