he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
