She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
