Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize