omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sex in a hospital.. check
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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