Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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