Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
