I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
