don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
