I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
