Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
