Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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