my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
